Did not get taken to a dl link so hard to review
@JoeW Thanks for going through it and leaving feedback... Just to clarify something, this is the intro into the game, not the game itself. So lot's of things are planned and when a Beta is released it will have actual gameplay (choices effecting story and so on) I'm just going through the learning curve..lol
@WolveNZ Thanks for going through and leaving feedback.... The colouring text was the first thing on my list though because of a issue I'm having between changing formats and publishing it had to be put on hold until this has been sorted.
Eventually each character (Ashley, Thomas) will have multiple paths branching from all the decisions you make through the intro, the demo forces you down the worst decisions path. Though the Manager may seem like a "horndog" his motivations are not sex related, and will (hopefully) become clearer once the text issue has been resolved.
I like the concept but theirs a couple of things:
1, The lack of color gets confusing, it would be good to have each persons voice in a different color.
2, The (Hoping for her to blush) etc.. seems a bit awkward how its just slammed into the middle of a paragraph.
3, Maybe it would be good for the player to 'run' the studio for a couple of days before the buyout. I think it would make the players character look like less of a horndog if Ashley does show some natural skill. It would also add contrast between normal running and post take-over.
But the main one would be how the text is written, using colors and fonts to help the story flow as its a bit hard to tell if the players character is talking, in a monolog or if its just something happening.
Well good attempt. I would like to make some suggestions. The main one, as you probably know, is this is more a story than a game. Still it is a good learning excercise to prepare you to do a game. More branches and decisions points are needed. When you add that you will need variables to keep track of the decisions so that future dialog can be adjusted. It could be as simple as a decison to ask someone their name. If you do ask then you can record their name in a varialbe. If you met them again you can use the name in the dialog. If you didn't ask their name then you cna have a different dialog text appear. To have a different varialbe for each decision point might become to unweilding. So you might want t oset up variables such as corruption that can go up and down depending on decisions. Then test that variable in the future to selecgt the dialog you want to display or the other decision points the player encounter.