I'm really liking this game and hope for the best ^^. Thank you for your hard work and the upload. Looking forward to up dates. ^.~
Hello and thank you for Reviewing my work here both positive and negative reviews are welcome. I do ask that you post them in the Discussion thread, as it it easier for me to reply and address any issues you have there.
You probably should have waited until you had a lot more content to release this. But you have a great idea for a game so far. Keep at it!
There isn't much to do at this point and as others have pointed out the writing need work, but if you look really closely at what is there i can see a lot of potential for this game.
This is really just a proof of consept piece so far and most of the content is in the menu tabs at the moment. Clearly the woman of this house like to be watch and like to dominate, will the Pc be dominated or will he resist
Better description are needed, I didn't even realise that I had seen the mother when I'd looked out the window the !st time.
I love corruption gameplay so i look forward to more content to play with
There should be an Intro Description before ye just launch straight into the game with the available actions (it makes it feel rushed if ye don't do that & nobody will want to play it that way)
Inventory should be empty if ye have nothing (like at the start of the game, NOT have placeholders like thing 1, stuff, item1, item2) or atleast have group names & a dash after name then the space after the dash will have the names of the inventory items ye get as ye get them,
Ye should use FULL DETAILED DESCRIPTIONS for actions & such like the "Play with myself action": "Closing your eyes, you play with yourself and have a good time." This is way too simple & makes the player bored because it feels like a 2nd Grade kid wrote this. The same goes for most of the actions in your game: use computer- schoolwork, Watch Porn, Chat with friends (ye wrote "Sighs no one online now." When the word Sighs refers to an action the character does & is not like the other words which are descriptive words of the situation. Also it would be better if it said: "There is no one online now.", as that would atleast be telling it correctly), I could write about just about EVERY ACTION needing more deatailed descriptions, but i figure ye get my point,
Though it is nice that ye thought to use pictures, ye should consider adding more than just 5 of them & ye should have them from the current year that is portayed by the setting of the game (if ye have pictures that look like they were done in the 1930's then people will think that is what the era of your game will be about..),
This game should be labeled as Concept because it barely has anything to it & it needs tons of work done to it, because it seems like ye rushed everything about it & just wanted to upload something (which if i had to rate it right now, i would give it a 5 out of 100, & even that is generous). Ye should seriously consider putting a good amount of time & effort into creating something (atleast something more than just a crappy rushed intro) before even considering uploading it.
Ye shouldn't be telling others that their spelling needs work when yours does as well: ye spelled the word grammer (when it should be spelled as grammar).
needs more functionality and less edge
I understand that creating a game is a lot of hard work, and I understand that you're starting start to learn how to use twine, but for God's sake man, don't just slap together some text and call it a game. Here's a list of your sins:
-The grammer in this game is horrible, downright painful, and the spelling is middle school-tier at best. If you're not sure how to spell a word, google it. Don't just guess.
-There's a total of I think two pictures in this game, one of a messy room, and one of a family from what looks like the 30's. The first photo is used well, and helps convey a sense of location. The second is meaningless.
-If you're going to upload a game to a websit called TFGamesSite, at least have a single TF in your game.
-You're not going to get sued for using "YouTube" in a game. You don't have to use "UTube"
-Oh actually I was wrong, there's more than two pics. There's four. The other two are memes.
-The player can do like, three things. Move to a few rooms, attempt to use a computer, and peek on your sister. Thats it.
So to sum it all up, get back to the drawing board, and don't post a game until it has at least some features. And for Christ's sake, use some spellcheck.