The game is completely broken from a functional standpoint. Whatever the author was trying to do, they did not manage to express in code. The writing isn't all that bad, there's really not a lot of content though. I see nothing particularly interesting about the game concept. The author should probably remove the download rather than have people try to download something with more missing variables than correct ones. I don't want to be too hard on the author; anyone attempting to make a game is a stand-up fellow in my book. However, it's difficult to envision the author turning this coding project around and making something worthwhile out of it. I would probably suggest starting over with either Inform7 or RAGS. Twine is frankly awful for anything mechanically heavy.
So, basics out of the way... Fine concept, needs more chapters, quickly completed right now but I look forward to seeing more!
Longer version... I do like the character creation aspect, but I haven't seen much done with it yet (aside from the game knowing what size boobs you have later). And the writing is decent, I like the shorter chapters and more frequent decisions, keeps it feeling more like a 'game' than a novel with a few different endings. Some typos, like misplaced quote marks, but nothing too distracting.
Alpha 3 Review:
A few things that really caught my notice during my test:
Anyway, moving on the main review I liked your introduction and how much choice you give to the player in how they end up in their initial circumstances. From the future plan notes you've included it looks to be a long project and I'm keen to see more.
Your writing style is alright but some of your chosen language doesn't seem to fit the "professional doctor" antagonist... unless it's all a ruse? Difficult to tell at this point, but I suppose that's for future updates. The avatar we play as is a bit of a dim-wit (intentional again?) but I like the potential options you have to come back from that later on (again depending on the path the player takes) based on your future plan notes.
While there isn't much to this right now other than the concept of the introduction, I did like it. Please continue!
Very good game , I'd love Power Having red hair. The mythic transformations and animals could be really cool
Here's the mediafire link you should've posted instead of the one you did: http://www.mediafire.com/download/1zjypv59603sej3/DBSM.html
Hmmmm there's a lot of descriptive text of what you plan to add so its hard to properly judge this. A few things that stood out though.
1) Be careful of insulting terms like cunt in general dialogue e.g. "You poke your normal cunt" it really threw me and I know a lot of girls who do not like that term. If it were a guy being insulting I'd not have thought twice but in a general description of changes it seems a little off especially when you do use the term vagina later.
2) You may want to put some indicator of just what your height is, I assumed it was inch's but just a random 62 does leave some uncertainty of what it could be especially as that's the only field in the transformation with a default value so it could be 62 inch's, 62 feet, 62% of your current height, 62 on a scale to reflect height changes that was left in as there's a lot that as I said leads you to things like "This option will be X."
3) I think there's a few things that aren't correctly lined up correctly e.g a normal vagina got the description your thin vagina.
4) I'd suggest including a "Fight the doctor" option even if its a trap that will fail completely given your new build and body balance/reach I have trouble seeing someone in that situation just accepting their fate either to be sold or by begging to belong to just to him.
5) Similarly if you are accepting your fate it might be nice to have a normal guy around your own age you can actually wind up in a relationship with. As opposed to him becoming a sissy (another slightly insulting term for the context as sissy is not the same as sub at least where I live) or a girl.
6) I'm really confused that the breasts/backside has a normal/silicon option and am not sure just why anyone would chance to be artfiicially enhanced there when you can be natural and the same size. I'd suggest etiher removing it or making it so those options allow larger sizes in those areas.
That said the game itself is interesting, plenty of customization on how you turn out and it seems like you plan to allow people a fair number of choices in what they're going to take as a path although like I said there's still a lot of placeholder text and some of it is not for a single page/event but for an entire story arc so its still a bit hard to judge. What is there aside from my point about terms that are usually used in an insulting/degrading manner being used in just normal descriptive dialogue of what something is is fairly well written and creative. I'll be interested in seeing how you flesh this out and expand it.