Beautifully written and very hot. I look forward to seeing where this goes in the future.
Very verbose. I like the general idea of woman getting a penis and how she deals with it.
Love it. Please, for all our sakes, continue! Superb writing. Went through an entire box of tissues.
Man. It started out pretty sick, and most of the plotlines definitely sound interesting, but holy balls was the sex awkward most of the time. You, my friend, are a poetic writer. I can see that very clearly, and it's awesome. It works really, really well in the intro and the more story based portions of the game, but ho-boy... pudenda's, and deposing anxious anticipation, and sliding the skin to-and-fro amidst others ended up creating some pretty awkward literary moments. I mean, some portions - particularly in the Chloe path - were pretty solid most of the time, even if it was still a little more wordy and clinical than I felt it needed to be. But whew, poetry and sex are a delicate combination, what can I say? You should, of course, do what you feel comfortable with, but I feel you could tone back the Shakespearean complexity a notch or two :)
Now, in terms of mechanics, I found myself sorely wishing there were more options to control the pace or activity while fucking. As it is, it's essentially pick a character and press continue, and accept whatever comes your way. Also, I understand giving each character a set personality, but I would really enjoy the ability to.. maybe pick from 3 different general personalities types ( in an artful, immersive way, of course. Like you're so good at.) For instance, I physically like Alexis, but wish she had a more dominant, confident personality like Chloe. You might also wish she was even more subby and far less angry, and defensive. Or maybe, you wish she was just eager to get past all the mysticism and rules and take the chance to make love with this weird doppelganger as equals while time lasts. I realize both of these things could become fairly time-consuming, but it would add a lot to player satisfaction (imo). It would add a layer of letting the player shape the mind of the character. I.e. do they like anal or vaginal? Blowjob vs footjob? Do you deepthroat, or do you chicken out and use your hands? Do you like it slow, sensuous, and loving.. or fast, hard, and rough? It would give the player some measure of defining boundaries and preferences for themselves and/or their chosen avatar beyond the set path. Maybe you already have these things planned, but this CYOA has a lot of potential so I thought I'd throw in my two cents, just in case! I always loved these things as a kid, and I still love 'em as an adult =D
Also, if you would be so kind: make the foreskin optional lol. I know it only comes up once, but still. -_-
K cool. Cheers! Much love.
Superb writing!! Amazing skills in weaving a beautiful tale. Bravo!! Keep up the great work!
7/10 (get 3 more stars by making it 10x longer!)
A great taster for what this may become. Right now there is no opportunity to control the action because the story stops just after the point of transformation. The writing that exists is very strong. My main concern is that the author is being ambitious in setting up four possible starts with two flavours of transformation for each. That's a huge amount of unique writing to complete unless the storylines will blend together, so making each path deep and interesting is going to require a lot of time and effort. I look forward to reading more.
When starting Hump Day, the writing style immedietely jumps out at you. You feel like you are reading a poetic myth rather than a piece of erotic fiction. This quality stays throughout the game and is the best feature - drawing you into what is happening to your character. However,, this is all the game has going for it right now. After being drawn in, the lack of choice interferes with keeping you engaged. Further, the second part of the introduction is sudden and leaves you puzzled. This can be improved, in my opinion, by providing some options on how to react.
Gameplay: 0/5 - the choices are negligible, and therefore I would classify this early version as more an erotic story than a game. The potential for it to become significantly more interactive appears to be there though.
Writing Quality: 4/5 - the quality of writing is very good. It is poetic, vivid, and draws you in. The use of colors and fonts improves the quality.
Story: 3/5 - not quite up to par with the writing as you are left uncertain of what exactly is going on. However, this is probably the author's intent and it does create a sense of mystery. Will be curious to see where is goes.
Arousal: 2/5 - I am biased here because shemale is not a strong fantasy of mine - but the sex scene was a bit sudden and rushed which interfered as well.
Overall: 3/5 - Great prologue. Will be interested to see how it branches out.