You play as John, a nerdy 18 year old in his senior year, forced to tutor a superficial cheerleader.
Sexy antics ensue when you discover a board game with magical powers.
Play in Browser is Working, Yay!!!
Sorry for hostilities before, just been taking a lot of crap in RL and was reading through forums and saw other authors being attacked and, well, I shouldn't have jumped the gun, I'm sorry, please enjoy the game, I'll try to update asap, but may be another week or even a fortnight before an update
Okay went over the passages with a spell checker, btw for those who never used twine, it's not gotta le spell checker, you gotta like cut and paste the words from the a passages and put them into like word or in my case Open Office, and then spella checka the wordski's and then lika copya and pasta thems back inna to the Twine! Understanderooni? No, oh well.
Now spell check is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, veeeeerrrrrryyyy, different to grammar/logic/content check, spell check, amzingly fixes the spelling errors, the grammar/logic/content check comes later, and it means I gotta read through the whooooooole story, and so I do it last, so yeah, some parts are a bit badly written, I do my best but sometiems I just write so darn fast I don't say it how I want it to be protrayed, sometiems I go itno too much detail or not enough, anyway that will coem later, for now, it is spello checkered at least.
V2.1 The point 1 means it's Spell checked.
I have lost the original .tws for this game, therefore if I ever decide to continue it, I will be forced to do it as a sort of Remake (As I'll have to copy/paste all the content and recreate all the code, which is a pain in the arse, bhough as this is by far my most successful game to date, it is tempting)... Anyway I have added a second DL location (Mediafire).
"You play as John, a nerdy 18 year old iin his senior year, forced to tutor a superficial cheerleader."
"Orig PC Gender Female"
Besides that, the flow of the game is all kinds of wrong. It's forced in the very first page, and is hard to keep up with. Using random pictures is a huge turn off for rating, too.
The sentences are too short and forced, run-on, if you will. It makes it hard to read, otherwise, but at least you added paragraphs. Speaking of... you have far too many. Your writing style is more of a 'put things where they are', rather than 'put things where it makes sense'.
Mid-way through the third passage, it changes point of view, as well, in the span of only a few sentences.
"After 30minutes Sarah walks over and demands a discount, Helen gives her one, but winks at me, she then takes the handbag out the back to takeoff the tag, although you could swear she could have done it without leaving the counter.
She returns soon enough though and hands the bag to Sarah.
It isn't long before your heading home again, Sarah holding her new handbag with reverence.
When you get back Sarah empties her old handbag onto the table and then opens the new bag, she hesitates."
Not only is that something you should keep an eye on, it's also a bit confusing. I could understand changing between passages, people can make those mistakes a lot, but you either missed this, or you didn't reread this passage.
All in all, I disliked the game, and not just because I'm a spiteful bitch. I always am harsh, real life and otherwise, but you should still look in to this.
Quite a few of the links take me to pages that can't be found on the server.
I enjoyed the game. The changes and the character interaction are engagine.
I hope there will be updates :)
Really enjoyed this game. One of the best i have tried on here (a clear 3 in my top 5)
I enjoyed the start of this game - and can not wait to see how much it will improve and grow.
Yes there are some spelling mistakes, and grammer errors - but.... hey that happens and they can be clean up after the fact with good editing and help (after all this is free!)
I am sorry to hear you have decided to leave out the random elements but then again game creation isn't easy. But if you ever want to try I think they would be a happy addition for replayablity.
I hope to see this updated more... I think it is a fun Alpha release, and good story to follow.