This is intro of a small story with two paths planned,has some random pics which some are porn.
Idont know coding ,idont know english.
If some people happen to like it i can post more.
I wellcome all kinds of criticism.
Changes 0.2:added about 12 more paragraphs and a few pics.Story is still all linear.
good game, simple story telling, sure it's not perfect english, but it's perfectly understandable. basically, if you enjoy playing a slave pc, must try. hope to see more.
Ok seems i need some sort of an editor.Anybody willing please pm me or somthing.
Cause i cant think of anybody.
It is a good start. But it needs some editing. So a good idea is to let someone look it over and fix the english and oddly placed punction and lack of space after the punction. That way it is easier to read.
It's an okay start but if your English isn't too good, I agree with the previous reviewer that you might want to get someone to check your work before submission.
Story seems a little generic at the moment, but it's very early days so we just need to see how it develops. Similar for the photos too, but I'm guessing they are a placeholder until you find better ones you want?
Worth a look.
i like whats there and where its headed but just as you said your english needs some work.. i would advice teaming up with someone who can proofread what you have written before you add it to the game.